The Quiet Edge  ·  Stage 2: Self-Awareness  ·  Ep. 10 — Parent Edition

The Post-Game Question Guide

A parent tool for building your athlete's inner scoreboard — one question at a time.
🏆 Series Final — Stage 2 Parent Edition
1

Are You a Teller or an Asker?

Honest self-assessment — what does your default post-game pattern look like?

Q1 The game just ended. Before your athlete says a word, you typically:
Q2 Your athlete says "I played terribly" after a game where they actually performed well. You:
Q3 Your athlete gives themselves a 9/10 after a game where they made several visible errors. You:
Q4 Your athlete refuses to evaluate at all — "I don't know, it was fine." You:
Q5 Your athlete gives an accurate, balanced self-evaluation — sees what went well and what needs work, no drama. You:
Q6 It's the car ride home. How much of the drive involves you talking about how they performed?

2

The Five Questions Reference Card

Ask these after every competition — in this order, without inserting your scores.

1
"How was your effort today?"
Targets internal energy and commitment — fully controllable. Their number tells you where they're holding themselves accountable.
1–10
2
"How was your focus?"
Separates mental presence from physical performance. An athlete can focus well in a poor game — and lose focus in a win. Worth distinguishing.
1–10
3
"Did you execute what you've been working on?"
Connects performance to practice goals. Shifts evaluation from outcome ("did we win?") to process ("did I apply what I'm building?").
Yes / Partly / No
4
"How did you handle adversity?"
The most important question. Errors and setbacks happen in every game — what matters is the recovery. This builds their adversity vocabulary.
1–10
5
"What did you do well? What do you want to work on?"
Two-part. Both parts matter equally. Resist filling in the second part yourself — wait for their answer before you add anything.
Open
The Rule

Ask all five questions before offering any evaluation of your own. If they ask "What did you think?" — tell them honestly, briefly, and after. Their scoreboard comes first. Every time you ask before you tell, you teach them that their judgment matters.

3

Response Script Library

What to say when the self-evaluation seems off — calibrate without contradicting.

Scenario A: They rate themselves harshly — but they actually played well.
Avoid saying:

"No you didn't — you had so many great moments. Stop being so hard on yourself."

Try this instead:

"What made it feel like a [3] for you? Walk me through the first half in your head."
Then: "You mentioned [specific moment]. I saw that too. But I also noticed [accurate positive moment] — does that factor in?"

Contradiction teaches them you don't trust their read. Calibration questions help them find the evidence themselves — building internal accuracy rather than dependence on your reassurance.

Scenario B: They rate themselves too high — several visible errors that they're glossing over.
Avoid saying:

"A 9? Really? What about the turnovers — that's not a 9 game."

Try this instead:

"Walk me through what made it a [9] for you — what were the moments?"
Then: "What would it have taken to make it a 10? What would you do differently?"

The goal isn't agreement — it's accuracy. Let them surface the missed moments themselves through reflection. If they get there, the lesson sticks. If they don't, gently add: "I noticed X — how do you think about that one?"

Scenario C: They won't engage — "I don't know" / "It was fine" / deflecting.
Avoid saying:

"Well, I'll just tell you what I saw then..." [launches into your analysis]

Try this instead:

"That's okay. If you had to pick one moment you felt locked in and one you'd redo — just those two — what would they be? Take your time."
Or: "I'm not asking for a full breakdown. Just — how was your effort? That's it."

Resistance to evaluation is often emotional. Smaller questions remove the stakes. One question > five questions when they're depleted or dysregulated.

Scenario D: They give an accurate, honest, balanced self-assessment — sees strengths and growth areas.
Avoid saying:

"Yes, and also I thought your footwork was a problem too — you need to..." [adds your eval on top]

Try this instead:

"That's an honest read on your own game. Most people either inflate it or tear themselves apart — being able to see both is a real skill."
Or simply: "I saw the same things you did. That's your inner scoreboard working."

Accuracy deserves to be named explicitly — not just accepted and moved past. When you recognize their calibration, you reinforce that internal evaluation is valuable. Adding your observations on top of a complete self-eval signals that their assessment alone isn't enough.

4

7-Day Tell vs. Ask Tracker

One week of honest tracking — notice the shift.

After each competition or practice this week, complete one row below. The goal is not a perfect score — it's honest data. What you track, you can change.

Date Event Asked First? What I actually said first Next time I'll say…

The goal isn't perfect self-evaluation.
It's developing the capacity.

Every time you ask before you tell — you hand the scoreboard back. Over time, your athlete learns to trust their own judgment. That trust is the skill that carries them beyond sport.

🤝 Parent Alignment Discussion Guide (Workbook) 👥 Multi-Child Family Navigator (Interactive) 💔 Co-Parenting Through Youth Sports (Interactive) 📋 Parent Listening Guide — Stage 2 Series

The Quiet Edge  ·  Stage 2: Self-Awareness — Ep. 10p (Series Final)  ·  Parent Edition

Evidence base: Zimmerman (2002) · Mageau & Vallerand (2003) · Deci & Ryan (2000)